Person First vs. Identity First
I hate to tell you, but you’ve stumbled into a grammar debate. But wait! Don’t worry, I’ll keep the grammar tutorial simple, super short, and sweet. We will have plenty of time to have fun talking shit about the special needs moms that silence everyone #ActuallyAutistic. I promise.
Person- first:
People with a disability
People with autism
Identity first:
Disabled people
Autistic people
That’s it. All done with the grammar lesson. I told you it was short. Most disabled people think “person first” language is unnecessarily complicated and condescending. Don’t worry about person first unless that person first brings it up. Do worry about the special needs moms who think their voice matters more than the disabled people affected.
Failures of Person First Language
- It implies our disability is baggage to be set aside, not that it is a part of us always.
- It fails to grasp the complex issue of how we actually relate to our disability.
- Person First often/ always (in my experience) accompanies a condescending attitude as well as ableist, demeaning comments.
- It can turn our disability into a “dirty word” and hinders later opportunities to talk and educate on disability.
My advice? Default to skipping the person first language; still be open to the chance of a disabled person around you expressing a preference for person first. We are all different. Universal advice doesn’t exist.
Welcome Questions
You don’t have to be perfectly comfortable or know everything. If you aren’t sure- ask! “Is person first language your preference?”
Most of us prefer someone trying to get educated over never saying the wrong thing (because you say nothing.) Just don’t pry beyond that unless you are close.
Deeper questions are usually welcomed from close friends and family- when they don’t come from an entitlement to our privacy. Questions from strangers are horrifying, but I don’t know a single disabled person who wouldn’t just be thrilled someone we love is finally making an actual effort to listen to our needs.
Ask The Right People
Never correct a disabled person on how they choose to speak about themselves. Don’t lecture us about how rejecting person first means we are all “defining ourselves as our disability.” Even if we were, our relationship with our disability is none of your business.
This person- first debate is a great example of how we need to get our information on how to support oppressed groups from the oppressed we want to support. We need to ask disabled people how we should treat disabled people- and not correct them!
“Special Needs Moms”
Ablebodied people can’t speak for disabled people but often try to. They will go as far as actively and deliberately silencing us. This can be especially bad for autistic people and it unfortunately is largely driven by the toxicity of “special needs parents.” Rather than buying into the hypocrisy, we need to check out what actually autistic voices have to say- not their mothers.
(Note: Many autistic people don’t even consider autism to be a disability, but rather a fundamental part of who they are.)
Many autistic people consider their autism a part of who they fundamentally; therefore person first language is wholly unnecessary. “Autistic person” makes more sense than “person with autism” in those cases. it’s similar to any other trait: tall person, young person, white person, funny person.
Looking Forward
Our language doesn’t have to be perfect. Allies don’t have to be perfect, but they do need to try.
How? Here’s a start:
1. Not correcting how oppressed people speak about themselves is the first step. This goes beyond person- first language.
2. All we have to do to be better allies is to listen to disabled people. Watch tags like #ActuallyAutistic where you can get educated from the right people. Always seek out disabled voices when you have questions- only we can answer them.
3. Don’t assume you know more about disabled people, their disability, or how they relate to their disability than they do- even if you’re their parent.
4. Finally, don’t assume you are entitled to personal details about their disability. Listen to their preference on person first and then don’t push for more.
Chronically Ridiculous 